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32

This is with the guy I almost married (yeahhh I almost married my last ex but he was controlling and crazyyyy as idk what BUT that’s another story). He always used to tell me he was super kinky and I was like yeah okay everyone says that and the most I’ve ever gotten is a finger in my ass, being bent over someplace semi-public, and a sugar daddy that liked rape role playing. Basically I went in thinking I’ve seen it all but I was soooooo wrong.  So we start making out and he’s like grinding on me between my legs and I’m like okay obviously you’re ready for the next step in foreplay, my famous cock sucking skills. We both strip down and I hardly even open my mouth before he grabs the back of my head, wrapping my hair around his hand and shoves his cock so far in my mouth I’m deep throating him with the first suck. He hardly let me control his blow job at all, he was shoving my head so far up and down and OCCASIONALLY he would let me go so I could lick or suck the tip a little bit but then he was back in control. And I was like okay that’s a little more rough than what I was expecting but it’s still hot PLUS guys usually turn into jello when my mouth touches them and after 30 minutes of sucking cock he didn’t cum (not to brag but the avg guy will cum in less than 5 with my head giving skills). Then he was like get on your knees and open your mouth (i did) and he spit in my mouth… now normally I would be like EXCUSE THE FUCK OUT OF ME but we were ”in love” so I didn’t give a fuck…. so after that he fucked my mouth for 20 more minutes, he made lay down on the edge of the bed and skull fucked me while my head hanging over the edge. THEN he spit on my tits and would lick it up, bitting my nipples occasionally, and spit in my mouth and make me spit back in his and back and forth like 5 times before he would spit on my tits again and tit fuck me.  We did that for like 30 more minutes and he finally came but his cock was still rock hard (I was kinda tired and like wtf seriously?) so he was like bite me so I would bite his neck, abs and chest until he was like covered in hickeys; which apparently wasn’t a problem even though it was summer time and he looks like the victim of a pornographic vampire movie. After my jaw was tired from attacking him with my teeth he had me smack his cock (like slap it really hard- i thought it would hurt but he loved it). Then, he ate me out until I came about 3 times and goes “let’s fuck” and I would ride him until my legs were shaking, he wouldn’t let me stop until he said, “choke me I’m going to cum”. And I was like huh? And he put my hands around his neck and was moaned “do it” so I did until  his cock was finished shooting its giant load AND HE WAS STILL ROCK HARD (now I was tired as fuck and shocked that his cock was still as hard as a diamond in an ice storm). It was doggystyle time so he’d mount me and pound me like a jack hammer and then when I was about to cum for like the 18th time he was like “get on your back so I can choke you when you cum but if it’s too hard let me know because I don’t want to hurt you”. I swear I saw stars and my orgasm felt 5 times as long when I was squirting all over his cock, when I finally came down he was like do you want to do it again?  And I was like NO let’s go get taco bell and watch mANSWERS because I’m exhausted.  *****Disclaimer : Please be extremely careful when choking during sex, it is extremely dangerous and even though it feels incredible I wouldn’t do it all the time ***** XOXOX

8

Now for the interesting parts ;) I think it was day # 3 of me being in Mount Pleasant with Mr. Chuck Bass and we had already had sex 3 times earlier on like we had the other days (once when we woke up, once after breakfast and then again after lunch). We had gone grocery shopping and were driving down the road when CB said he really wanted to stop in the head shop to buy a few things. While I waited in the car playing with his iPod I thought he would buy the normal stoner things; rolling papers, a rillo, and maybe some 4 for a $1 incenses (you know the really shitty ones that smell great in the store but smell the same after you light them). When we finally got back to his place and unpacked all of the food we bought we sat down in the living room so he could show me the pipe he just bought and load it up to smoke (I’ll smoke every so often but I’m not crazy about it so I didn’t partake). A few minutes later we were snacking on junk food and watching that 70’s show when I saw a bean bag chair the size of a smart car in the corner of the living room. I asked him if it was his or if we could lay on it and he said it belonged to his roommate, who wasn’t home so why not? As he laid me down on top of the oversized hackie sack I took one look at that sleepy dazed Asher Roth lookalike expression and knew I had to have his cock inside me. We started making out and I slid my hand down from massaging the tip of his head to the tip of his other head ;) . I got up on my knees and started sucking until I felt his cock in the middle of my throat and told him to grab one of the ecstasy magnums we’d just bought and come make me squirt. Riding him on a bean bag chair was basically impossible (they just don’t have any bounce to them) so I laid down on my back and threw my knees over his shoulders. There is not a doubt in my mind, as soon as we move in together we’re getting one of those ugly giant chairs, I’ve never felt his cock so deep inside me. As I came a 4th times I heard a car pulling into the driveway and we both said “Oh fuck” and basically tried to get dressed in record time so his roommate wouldn’t know I was getting pounded on his chair (even though I’m sure if you ran a backlight over that corner of the room it wouldn’t be a secret). As fun as it was and as good as it felt I couldn’t wait until we got back to his room, the fact that my boyfriend looks like a black haired Asher Roth, he was as high as a kite, I was getting plowed and squirting all over a burnt orange bean bag chair, the room reeked of dro and sex and That 70’s Show was blaring in the background to drown out our sex noises I felt like I was in a porno version of Dazed and Confused. When we got back to his room I sucked my cum off of his cock (which wasn’t as yummy as it sounds because the taste of a condom ruins the taste of sex and you’ll be tasting trojan for the next 45 minutes) and took turns riding him and getting pounded. When he finally came I made sure to keep fucking him back until he collapsed on top of me and after he slide out of me I pulled the condom of and licked his cock clean :) I don’t know if it was the fact that he was stoned or the trojan ecstasy condom but that was one of the longest times we’ve ever had sex. It sounds funny but if anyone else tried to fuck me for that long I’d be bored as hell, but two and a half hours felt perfect with him.

8

Click here to read part 1 Alright so this is one of my favorite memories already because we had an audience but we’ll get to that in a second. So I was sitting at home in sort of a blah mood which usually happens when the weather changes from summer to fall (idk why my dr thinks it’s S.A.D. but that’s another subject) and I was thinking: for dessert should I have ice cream or cake or another beer? and then I thought Well I’d rather get my pussy fucked and swallow cum instead so I msged “Cristiano” on fb and told him to come be my stress relief and he was like “Okay I’m on my way I’ll call you when I get there”  For a future reference when I tell a guy to do something and he does it right a-fucking-way the amount of lust I have for him just amps itself up, that and “Cristiano” is fucking sexy as hell so regardless I’ll be sitting there like So we decided to fuck in my favorite park (I have a thing about liking to fuck in public places idky) and the boy is truly a gentleman in a sweet, goofy, can-we-talk-first, kinda way. But after a while of flirting and talking I’m like  Like don’t get me wrong, I love a little careless chitchat before fucking but I feel like he could’ve sat there and talked with me the whole night… NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT but I was horny as fuck. So we started making out then the whole oral thing then we were fucking and I’m not quiet by any means, so when A CAR FUCKING ROLLS UP I’M LIKE FUCKING SHIT IT’S THE COPS THINKING I’M GETTING RAPED OR SOME SHIT AND I ONLY GOT TO CUM TWICE so I was like  I need to hop off and we need to get dressed and he’s like “Why?” and I’m like um hello there’s a car right there… So we get dressed come to find out it’s two guys aprox. age 17-20 and a girl.  Now I’m sitting there once again chit chatting with “Cristiano” and my head is going nuts because when you look at him you don’t think hmm he’d be nice to sit in the park with and have conversations with, you think I fucking want to touch him, I want his cock inside me, I want to taste his cum.  So I look at him and go I’m fucking horny, and I contemplate being a pornstar daily so I have no problem fucking in front of these people and he’s all “Really? Neither do I but we you have to be quiet (I must have looked shocked because he goes) you get kinda loud when we fuck, it’s hot but they’re going to hear you.” In my head I was thinking Like I give a fuck, but I just smiled and said okay let’s do this So everything was going great - the make out, the blow job, the fingering… then he put his cock in me and I gasped but I didn’t moan. However as soon as he started fucking me, and I mean really fucking me I let ONE, ONE little tiny moan escape and everything went quiet. I swear the bats and owls were holding their breath at the same time we were waiting to hear the reactions of the small group of people less than 30 yards away. I thought everything was fine until “Cristiano” goes “Hahaha they’re watching us, oh well.” and then while we were fucking he was like “If you can be quiet for 20 seconds I’ll make you cum really hard” and I was thinking shiiiiiit I’ve got this, but 8 seconds in this game I was cumming and basically screaming, but because he’s a sweetheart he let me try the game 5 times… I failed every.single.time. In my defense his aim sucks, because I ended up getting a facial when I was just supposed to swallow.  Pros- ❤ - Guys who aren’t afraid to fuck in public or in front of people are a HUGE plus ❤ - He’s fucking hot and can make me cum over and over again ❤ - I’d be happy if he just wanted to be friends and not fuck because he can hold a decent conversation for someone who is so attractive : Beauty + Brains = huge turn on ❤ - He aims to please and I respect that Cons ✖ - He got more cum on my face than in my mouth ✖ - He’s moving really really really far away soon ✖ - It was kinda cold outside  That has nothing to do with him ✖ - I wanted to keep it even but I only have two complaints. ★ Would I do it again? ★ I’d fuck him right now if I could. XOXOX

11

Alright so you know how you have that friend where you’re both clearly attracted to each other and you always joke about hooking up but it’s never happens? Well that’s basically what Mr. Country Boy is to me. There are a number of factors to delay the hook up but I think what it all boils down to is You don’t want to fuck up the friendship; you don’t wanna date/fuck/hook up and risk ___ years of an awesome friendship because you’re horny/lonely. So Mr. Country Boy and I were talking on Skype about how horny we were and how he had his place to himself besides his two friends and we decided I should come over. So as I’m packing my chihuahua and shit to head over there I start thinking is this what I really wanna do? Am I really about to risk about 5 years of friendship because I’m horny? What if it’s not good sex? What if he has a small cock (jk i’d already seen it so yeah) What if it’s so awkward in the morning we never speak again?  Then I remembered you only live once and I’ve wanted him since I met him so why the hell not? Thankfully when Mr. Country Boy picked me up and we got back to his place his friends had already passed out so we went straight to bed. After a little while of innocent flirting and foreplay we finally got to business and thank god because after 5 years of flirting and eye-fucking each other this is exactly what I needed  Now usually I know I say don’t fuck your friends, but maybe I’m wrong (yes I’ll admit it) because in the morning when I thought things would be awkward as fuckhe was the same old Mr. Country Boy and I was the same old Kia and we could joke around and talk shit to each other like we always do :)  Pros:  ❤ His cock is the perfect length and it’s super thick ❤ He can keep it hard for as long as I want to use it ❤ The sex wasn’t that serious like we were laughing and smiling and being stupid sometimes, there wasn’t that pressure to make everything perfect; I guess that’s one of the many perks of fucking your friends. ❤ There is something so sexy about a country boy; the worn in jeans, the curved bill of their hats, the boots, the dip ring in their back pocket, the truck, the camo ______, and that southern accent - that alone is enough to make me wet instantly. Cons: ✖ He was lazyyyyy as fuck, I rode his cock for 30 minutes and round two he was on top for 20 minutes and then I was either riding him or sucking him off for the rest of the night… And I called him out on it and he just looked at me and said “I’m lazy Kia haha” buuuuut I let it slide because I don’t hate him. ✖ He had to work in the morning  ★ Will I do it again? ★ I regret nothing so far so I don’t see why not :) 

5

Alright so this isn’t going to be like my normal story time stories because I’m pissed. I hate more than anything the fact that 90% of the time as soon as someone sees my blog they think all I want is sex. Now I know some of you will be sitting there like “Well you shouldn’t dress like that” or “You shouldn’t talk about sex all the time” or “No more blog no problem” but I love who I am, I love how I dress, I love giving sex advice and more than anything I love love (mostly making love, like fucking but still) - This is me and this is who I am Lemme just start, so for the past few weeks I’ve been talking to “________” and he was everything I wanted in a guy; tall, attractive, a great dresser, attracted to me, caring, and he always had an open ear. The guy was just too sweet for words and I’d have to be dumb, deaf and blind not to want to be with him. Now if I haven’t made it obvious I want a boyfriend I think one night stands are great, but WHY WHYYYY would you want that over a relationship where you can get laid and sucked twice a day?  Now I made this clear to him - I said every single time we talked (since he saw my blog) ”I want a relationship, not a hook up, not a quick fuck, not a fuck buddy - a relationship I know what’s on my blog but I’m not looking for a sextoy to write about I like being in relationships more.”  Now this motherfucker “________” (sorry I’m mad) tells me “Oh I totally get it, we should wait for a few months to get serious before we fuck.” (I knew I’d have his dick in my mouth sooner than that but not this soon)  Telling you guys he wasn’t honest with me would be an understatement - Let me give you a run through of the date We go to the park to eat ice cream and talk (I was being so shy because I liked him and didn’t want to fuck it up) and we play this betting game and he says “you won so what do you want?” and I go “our first kiss” so we start kissing, then we make out, then he starts kissing my neck and squeezing my tit and I go -  “STOP, I’m not trying to hook up right now because I really like you and I don’t want to ruin this” *** If we hook up the first date 95% of the time I’ll lose interest in you in 24 hours*** so this bitch “______” goes “Okay well we don’t have to do anything” and I’m like okay good. So we start talking about sex (my best subject) and I say “what’s your favorite part about sex?” and he goes “blowjobs” which I’m great at them and go “I’m the best at giving head which you’ll find out later IN A FEW MONTHS” and he goes, “I doubt that, prove it, you can’t be that great… (10 minutes of this then) ugh why’d you kiss me like, that you’re going to give me blue balls, I don’t talk to girls who give me blue balls, you’re such a tease” and I’m sitting there like I said no more than Obama said “yes” in his presidential campaign, and after every no he’d start up his list of excuses all over again. I would love to say the story ends with me giving him a firm slap in the face but it doesn’t, I gave him head (which lasted a whole 3-4 minutes) and after I was just upset and disappointed. Not really with him With him but even more with myself and the fact that I fell for his bullshit; the lies, the compliments, the sweet talking, the charm, and his stupid lip service for the past few weeks. On the way home he even said OUT LOUD “I never knew I was so good at lying”  I’ve never let a guy get to me this bad and it isn’t even just him, it’s the fact that this is how every first date in the past few months have ended (not the blow job part). I don’t wanna hide my blog from guys but as soon as they see it they think all I wanna do is fuck and I’m sitting by myself an hour later thinking  As one of my dearest tumblr friends said “yes, you love sex, and talking about it, but there’s a difference between being open and liberal regarding it, and just letting anyone into your panties”. I either need an older guy (like 30+ who will be more mature), a country boy who’s going to be a gentleman, or a girl because I’m sick of this bullshit.  I need to go clear my head XOXOX

9

So last night my best friend, her boyfriend, and their roommate were having a house warming party and invited me to come over to join in the festivities. Everything started off well enough, I was clearly looking hot as fuck and had been pre-gaming on vodka lemonade since 4 pm and I got there at 9-10pm. So I was like One thing led to another and my head was in the toilet as I was barfing up every ounce of vodka lemonade, all the fruity mixed drinks, all the vodka shots, all the beers, all the tostadas and pizza i ate earlier, and finally the all the damn smirnoff/bacardi ices (I barf every time I drink those fuckers). Because Ally is a doll she set up a bed/basket/and bottled water for me and tucked me in and that’s when I saw Gothica - aprox. 6’9-7 feet tall (unf), tattooed arms (unf x2), wearing all black and skinny jeans, and he had that whole AFI/MCR pale skin smokey eye guy liner Emo thing going on. He was like, “Hey, sweetie are you okay?” and I was like mfrnh hmur herp derp muh yeah. And then I passed out and woke up like a few hours later to the sound of my friend Kelsey fucking _____ (a guy who’s name escapes me) and Gothica goes, “do you hear that?” and I nodded and he was like “Well I’m glad your awake I didn’t want to have to listen to that by myself, do you feel any better?” and I said yeah and we started talking about how I’m not attracted to black guys and we started cuddling and watching scary movies because I’m a horror movie fanatic and so is he :) One thing led to another and we were cuddling and watching Slither and he was like trying to kissing me and asking if I was on birth control and I was like I JUST threw up a few hours ago and you’re trying to get it in and while I can totally respect that I haven’t even brushed my teeth… and he was all “Well you’re hot and you rinsed your mouth out so that’s fine with me if it is for you?” And I was like …go get a condom Gothica (safe sex is great sex ya dig?) Honestly I’ve never fucked a gothic kid before or even though about it but he was incredible…. and extremely nice and polite, I have a whole new prospective for the whole Emo/Gothic group. Pros : ❤ I LOVE unexpected things that go together (girly girls who drive masculine cars and huge trucks, bubbly girly me fucking Gothic Gothica, etc.) so I was turned on before we even started ❤ The fact that everyone at the party got it in ❤ How I have a whole new prospective on Emo/Gothic people - I always thought they were going to be rude and complete asshole but he was a sweetheart ❤ I have insane respect for guys who initiate safe sex, yes you’re horny so you’re in a rush to put your cock somewhere and I get that BUT if you’re smart enough to ask important sex questions before we go on, I’m just like unf. ❤ I REALLY WANT TO DATE A GUY LIKE THIS NOW: We could share eyeliner and eye make up and hair products, I love the shock factor of it all, and I’m always up to try something new instead of dating the same guy with different names. ❤ Huge cock, great position, super pale (fucking unf), cuddled before and started things off slowly with great hook up etiquette ❤ Snake bites and a tongue piercing, I COULD NOT get enough **piercings are a major turn on.** Cons : ☠ (<-it’s a skull, appropriately cute right?) I felt weird hooking up with someone when 3 hours ago I was passing out and clinging to the toilet like it was going to grow legs and run off. ☠ Fucking Smirnoff and Bacardi bullshit always makes me sick… I think I’ll stick with beer and hard liquor from now on. ☠ Sex wasn’t rough enough… choke me, bite me, spit in my mouth, squeeze my tits, spank me, talk dirty, make me deep throat your cock, SOMETHING - I may have arthritis but I wasn’t born with glass bones and paper skin. ☠ I wanted more time to fuck him and play with piercings and stuff but he had to go to work :/ ☠ He kept trying to cuddle after and WE ALL KNOW I FUCKING HATE CUDDLING AFTER HOOKING UP so I was like ★Would I do it again★ Ummmm fuck yes if I can find another attractive goth/emo guy then hells yeah, that’s the first one I’ve seen in YEARS though :’(

9

Okay if you’ve known me for more than a few days you know nothing makes me melt faster than an accent; Country, Irish, Mexican, Italian, Brazilian, British, etc. It doesn’t matter, strong accents are the BIGGEST turn on to me, and I’ll be like ANYWAY, so I don’t really remember how we met but one thing lead to another and I was at Mr. Russian’s house and he has the strongest accent you’ve ever heard. Like when I say he’s Russian I don’t mean his grand/parents are from Russia, I don’t mean someone in his family taught him Russian - I mean 2 years ago he was living in knee deep in snow with Russian comrades in the old country. He was trying to be all cute and made us drinks and wanted to watch a movie and cuddle and I just wanted to fuck… BUT he has the whole blonde hair, blue-eyed, stereotypical Russian muscles thing going on like the guy from the Rocky movies So I was more than willing to cuddle for a little while - OF COURSE my ass fell asleep, so I was like enough of this nonsense. Since I was laying on top of him it only took me a few minutes of “trying to get comfortable” (me moving my tits around on him) before he was hard and things got to what I came over for in the first place. In like two seconds I was bent over sucking his cock and he was using his broken english to talk dirty to me until I was finally like STOP just, speak Russian because either way I couldn’t understand what he was saying… so he was like ya hochu tebya! Davai zaimemsya lyubovʹyu! (which basically means he wants me and wants to fuck me) May I just say I love foreign guys, even hen I hardly understand them. Pros: ❤ He was fucking Russian - unf ❤ I know/can understand a little Russian now (educational sex) ❤ Accents/different languages make me insanely horny ❤ He had a huge cock ❤ Long, hard, rough sex Cons: ✖ We started drinking so he was slurring English and Russian and I couldn’t understand a thing ✖ I got a headache writing this story (bascially there was nothing bad about fucking him) ★ Will I do it again? ★ More than likely.

6

To read Mr. Southern Stoner part 1 please click this sentence ;) Alright so now that you’ve read that we can fast forward 3 years of sexual experience, for the both of us. So I get a text on my phone saying “hey I’ve really missed you over the years and I wanted to hang out and catch up -southern stoner” (I’m not about to put his real name on here haha) So I’m like I have nothing planned so why not? So he picks me up and for once he’s not stoned and then we get to the park and I was like Wanna smoke? and of course he does and we’re sitting there catching up and I go Remember that night at that party when we were in the closet fucking? and he goes “how could I not? I lost my virginity to you that night…” and I was like but he really wasn’t joking or laughing and I was like We should do it again because I honestly don’t remember if I was any good that night and I was drunk AND I didn’t suck you off first. So I tell him to lay back on the picnic table and I pull my tits out and put his hands on them and I undo his pants and pull his cock out (and I thought it was pretty hard so I was like psh… this will be quick as fuck) so I start sucking it and i can hardly keep it in my mouth and I was like WTF I don’t remember your cock being this big 3 years ago?!  and he’s like “Fuck I didn’t know we were going to do this or I would’ve brought the lube…” and I’m like Umm this is not going in my ass and he goes “I know.” and basically he was saying his cock wasn’t going to fit and I was like (thinking he was kidding because guys say shit like that all the time) but he ended up being right, basically I had to squirt from him fingering me before he could get his cock inside me (not that I’m complaining). After 30-45 minutes we took a break to smoke some more and since he was still hard as a rock he was like “Are we going to go again?” and I was like… And he was like “Sorry if I knew we were going to fuck I would’ve brought lube” so this time he ate me out which surprisingly got me wet faster and we fucked until he was done. Had I not been stoned and sipping margaritas lakeside the next day I would’ve been in SO MUCH pain. Pros: ❤ His cock is huge!!! ❤ He can make me cum super fast ❤ Stoned Sex = Great Sex ❤ He’s adorable and super sweet :) Cons: ✖ His cock is fucking huge (I felt like snooki vs vinny’s huge penis) ✖ NO LUBE - I will never take lube for granted again ✖ I felt bad for taking his virginity and not calling or texting him for 3 years :/ ★ Will I do it again? ★ If I have a giant bottle of lube + a huge margarita + a yoga class, sureee…

13

This one is an old, old, old, old ass story but it’s funny as fuck and I’ll probably make a video about it later in September so you can look forward to that. So this one time Me, and my tennis friends (oh yes I played tennis in high school and I’ll Serena Williams your ass on the court) decided we’d all had a few beers before (yeah. in our ENTIRE LIVES) and we were ready to go to a “real high school party” like the ones you see on TV. So being the preppy 16 year olds in high school that we were we didn’t know where to find one so we asked this senior chick and she was like “Oh yeah I’ll totally take you guys to one on Saturday”. On Saturday I probably spent fucking 5 hours getting ready for this party and she pick up me and some other 16 year olds up and we all went to this house where the parents were out of town and I met Mr. Southern Stoner (I think I referred to him as the southern gentleman a few times in my blog too). I’m calling him this because EVERY SINGLE TIME (without fail) I’ve ever seen him he’s smoking pot or is stoned from when he last smoked, and he’s always polite and sweet and adorable and has this southern charm to him that’ll make your panties wet instantly (I’m such a lady). So as we’re drinking shot, after shot, after beer, after mixed drink I decide I want to impress him by filling this house with “cool ass people” so I invite THE FUCKING WORLD to this house where I didn’t live to come “drink my alcohol”. So he and I wind up on the couch upstairs with this perky red head and we all take turns making out with each other and the girl’s friend says it’s too crazy of a party and we had to leave. I had my hands in the southern stoner’s pants so I wasn’t going ANYWHERE. I go let’s take this into the bedroom and me and him end up making out on the bed and the door flies open and he’s being like lifted off of me and I’m being carried down stairs by one of my best friend’s older brother and he’s like “You’re too young, too drunk, and too horny to be here. I’m calling my friends to pick you all up and take you all home.” I’m like You’re not my father so I’m going up there and getting some dick, excuse me. What I didn’t know is EVERYONE AND THEIR MOTHER heard me say that so when I get back in the closet and am trying to put condom after condom on his cock (I’d only had sex with 1 other person before so I had no fucking clue how to operate a condom and I was drunk) there is a line of 50 people outside ready to watch us fuck. AS SOON AS THE FIRST MOAN ESCAPES MY MOUTH THE DOOR FLIES OPEN and there are like 10 people from school going “OH MY GOD SHE’S HAVING SEX” and “OMG THEY’RE FUCKING” and I’m like and trying to hold the door closed while riding his cock while he sits back relaxing and I’m like… So after this I finally get up and tell everyone to get the fuck out and we lock the door and get in bed while this creeper is standing in the corner…. (I know we’re both dumb as fuck for not doing this in the first place). We get about three thrusts in before someone slams the door in and one of my best friends go “ the cops are here. ”. Being the naive, inexperience, innocent 16 year old girl I was I didn’t know cops busted parties. I had never seen that part of the movie where they drop whatever they’re doing and run out the fucking backdoor. So I was scared shitless and we all ran into the attic to hide… Eventually someone opens the door and climbs the ladder and shines a light on us goes “Leander Police Department come out with your hands up bitches” and I’m like Oh my god police are so mean in real life (I was really fucking dumb when I was 16). It was one of the guys from the party saying the cops left, so we all went downstairs and decided we were all going to sleep until the morning and we would head home since the cops left to go chase people who ran (fucking dumb I know). So me, the southern stoner, and 15 other people are in the attic and he’s like “where were we?” so we start making out and fucking. ***Little did we know some jackass left the house and left the door wide open so the cops can legally walk in when this happens.*** Eventually AGAIN we hear someone come up the ladder, and feel a light shine on us and head “Leander Police Depa..” but because I’m a drunken smartass I go Shut the fuck up dumb ass thinking it’s one of the guys again but this time it actually was a cop and I’m naked from the waste down like Pros : ❤ My popularity skyrocketed because of the sex, alcohol, partying, and drugs that “I was a part of that night” ❤ I learned you should always leave the party before police arrive (which includes running when they get to the door) ❤ The southern stoner was a virgin which is why he was acting useless when we were fucking, we have sex later and it’s wayy better :) Cons : ✖ After the southern stoner’s parents found out about everything they had him switch schools to one that’s further away :( I get to fuck him again until 3 years later ✖ I got a $500 ticket ✖ I learned my mom yells as me in Spanish when she gets really angry ✖ TO THIS DAY there is a handful of people who say this was all my idea and we aren’t friends now because of it (because I forced fed them shots and made them leave their houses… yeah right bitch grow the fuck up) ✖ A small group of the classes of ‘08, ‘09, and ‘10 know what I look/sound like when I fuck ✖ I was grounded that entire summer and the party happened the week before school got out (I snuck out 75% of the time but still it fucking sucked) ✖ My extended family/my parents business partners/family friends still makes jokes about this whenever I see them and that was 3 years ago ✖ I have never gotten so many lectures in my entire fucking life ★ Would I do it again? ★ Fuck yes, why would I stop partying because of one idiotic time getting caught? Are you going to stop driving after one fender bender? Are you going to stop eating sugar after one cavity? No, Life is wayyyy too short to live in fear. I’m going to enjoy being young. PLUS Sex with the southern stoner is phenomenal now that we’re older and he’s not useless. ❤ XOXOX